I ran out of toilet paper...

I got out of bed..."Why did I get out of bed today???" 

I have wondered that question ALL day long.  Ever have "one of those days?"  

and then you hear the saying..."things change in a second."  They really can.

I ran out of toilet paper today.
 This may not be a big deal to some people.

It is to me.  Today.

It says to me that I have lost all control.

I asked my daughters today,
 "Can you tell me the last time you can remember us ever running out of toilet paper?"
They could not remember a time that we have ever ran out of toilet paper.  

Still you may be asking yourself, "Why is this a big deal?"

Because I don't ever...E...V...E...R... let that happen.

So how did this happen?  

How did I loose control? 

I am sitting here now trying to decide how to explain.  

My mother is in the hospital (see yesterdays post) and her surgery was postponed again.  

Now the doctors are saying that it will hopefully be Thursday.    

I had a tough day with my mother and trying to take care of things with her today.  

And then...

My daughter, who is 25, came to me Friday and said she had a "knot" on her hip.  

There was no bruise, no redness, no anything.  Just that the area had started swelling and hurt.  

She could not get a doctor's appointment with her regular doctor.  She has tried for the past two days.  No appointment till Friday so I suggested she go ahead and go to Urgent Care and see what they think.  

The doctor did x-rays.

The doctor found something.  

A fairly big dark spot in her hip bone.   

We should know something by tomorrow evening. 

He said it could nothing.  Maybe just the way the bone is growing.  

It is in the shape of the sun.  A circle in the middle with the rays coming out from it.

He is an older man who was a doctor in the military.  He said he had never seen anything like it.

I can't stop thinking about it.

Did I mention my mother has cancer?

Did I mention I had a niece die of cancer at the age of 21?

Did I mention that my grandfather and 2 of my uncles died of cancer?

It may be nothing. 

I am terrified.

On top of all of this..I ran out of toilet paper today.